| |

Fear + Fall Layers

A small moment from this week I want to remember:

I have a bad habit of staying up far too long after we’ve already gone to bed. Ben falls asleep quickly and I let the wonders of my phone entertain me until I’m too tired to keep my eyes open. Last night, Ben was fast asleep when I came across a tear jerking letter from one mom to another. Maybe it was just the late hour, but in a moment of weakness I curled up on my sleeping husband and cried. Slow, silent tears of fear.

How can I do this? I’m so little. I’m too selfish. I’m not ready. What if it’s too hard? What if I fail? What if we fail? 
 

And in the darkness I was reminded of the One who comforted me long before I had Ben to cry on, of the Rock who whispers that this imperfect little girl can do hard things, great things. It was a tender reminder that fear is the opposite of faith, and my goodness, this journey we’ve only just started takes lots of faith.


outfit details:
sweater : Shein (full shein reviews here)
shirt: Gap maternity via thredUP (click here for $10 off your first purchase)
denim: maternity via thredUP
flats: Saks 5th Avenue collection (sold out, similar here)
necklaces c/o

18 Comments

  1. I promise, it's going to be beyond awesome. I feel like sometimes motherhood gets so hyped up about being so so incredibly hard, but although there are certainly difficult moments, overall, it's been a dream. And I wasn't even sure I WANTED kids.

    1. Thanks Janssen πŸ™‚ I'm grateful for positive blogs like yours that get me excited and remind me why I want this so much in the first place (although you make me want girls, lots and lots of them …and to live in London, but mostly to have girls πŸ™‚

  2. That's long been one of my fears about having kids someday. I just don't know if I can. But then I remind myself that I thought the same thing about my job, and graduation, and going to college, etc. It's clichΓ©, but the old "if He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it" mantra comes to mind here! I'll be praying for you, friend πŸ™‚

    1. I love that – maybe cliche but so true. It reminds me of a verse in The Book of Mormon that says God won't give us any commandment he won't provide a way for us to fulfill. Already excited for our next lunch date πŸ™‚

  3. So touching, this brought tears to my eyes. I find myself in a similar position some nights. After miscarrying my first, I have to fight against the fear and lies, especially now that I am expecting again. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that we're not alone and that we are stronger than we think. Also Cute outfit! Love the shoes. And will be keeping you in my prayers.

    1. I didn't get through writing it dry eyed either. I can only imagine how hard it would be to go through this after a miscarriage. How far along are you? Like you said though, we aren't lone. I have to keep reminding myself that faith is the opposite of fear and that He has a plan I can trust.

    2. I'm 17wks and 5days. I only carried until about 9 weeks last time on February 6th of this year. I found out I was pregnant the day after 4th of July and the first couple months were the hardest, the not knowing if I'd miscarry again. I just feel so blessed to have come this far without any complications, and this Thursday we get to go find out if out baby is a boy or a girl!

  4. You look so adorable! We all get a little scared sometimes, but I have a feeling that everything will be just fine πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks Katie πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Just gotta keep going πŸ™‚ And we shoot with a Nikon d5200 and these were taken with our 50mm 1.8 lens (90% of the pictures on here in the past year are taken with that lens…that and learning how to shoot in manual have been HUGE game changers).

  5. If there's anything I know about Elisabeth Gringeri, it's that she can do anything. Can and will. And will succeed at it. You got this, girl. And you are looking so darn cute, too.

  6. I have those thoughts sometimes too, and my eyes start dumping buckets every time. It's great to have Him as a comforter when I start feeling like I won't be a good mom. We can do it!

  7. The day any mother finds out she is pregnant is the day she is filled with equal amounts of JOY and FEAR. You are NOT alone!

    If there is ONE thing you NEED to know before becoming a mother, it's this – You already know how to be a mother (a really good one). You already know how to look after your baby. You will make the right choices for YOU and YOUR baby. Just trust in yourself and listen to your baby. Your baby will teach you how to be a mother. The connection and bond that the two of you have after being one for nine months will NOT FAIL YOU. I promise πŸ™‚ The two of you were meant to be πŸ™‚

  8. I'm guessing your fears are totally normal ~ I know I would feel the same way. But I'm sure you will be a wonderful mama!! πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.