The Things Men Say When I’m Pregnant
All from strangers, said in passing:
1 // “I’ve delivered two babies before, I might need to deliver another today.”
note: I still had about two and a half months to go at the time of this comment
2 // “You have really gotten big!”
from an older man I must have said hi to before at the gym
3// “You should have an ambulance on speed dial.”
I sure hope not, because I still have 7 weeks left
4// “That’s what you get for screwing around.”
It took me too long to process this one and I didn’t turn around to see what weight-lifter snarled it.
5// “How are the two of you doing today?”
This was the nicest of comments from the sweetest grandpa at the gym
6// “Oh is the baby moving? I really love getting to feel babies move around.”
Sorry old man I haven’t met before, not going to happen.
7// “When is he (Lincoln) going to be a big brother? Tomorrow?”
No, not for another month and a half.
8// “She’s about to explode!” (in a not so quiet whisper, to somebody else as I walked by)
If by explode you mean have a baby next month, yes, yes I am.
It is interesting to note that in counting the responses from women in the past week, 90% of them have been, “you’re all baby” or “congratulations, when are you due?” In contrast, the large majority of men have commented exclusively on my size. For some of these I wish I could go back and have a response. What would you have said?
Only six weeks to go!
outfit note: We snapped these before we headed to Europe and the shirt (and maybe the shoes?) are the only things that still fit. The top is one of my all-time favorite maternity pieces from Seraphine and it works for nursing too! The quality is fantastic and it is perfectly soft + stretchy (but not too thin). My leather jacket is super old, the jeans are from Paige (also very old and kept on with the old elastic trick), the shoes are Steve Madden from last year and my bracelet is Kate Spade.
Some of these are really rude! OMG. I don't think people really think about how what they are saying affects other people. I might have said something a little sarcastic, depending on my mood. Love your blog!
India | IndiaHillWrites.com
Thanks India! For some of them I wish I'd had a smart retort, but with one glaring exception, most of them came from a kind place so I'm glad I held my tongue. I think often people are just excited and don't know what else to say … but really some should pick something else 🙂
You look gorgeous. I think when you're at the gym, the guys think you're further along than you are because not a lot of third trimester ladies stick with it. I had a grandpa tell me I had to name my unborn son "Jim" because I was about to give birth at the gym. I had two months to go…
I have no quip for number four. In the right mood, this could lead to a (fun from my perspective and purposefully uncomfortable for him) conversation about eternal families. That dude just has more issues than can be addressed, though.
Oh thanks Julie 🙂 And I should have used it as an opportunity to have a little chat with him 😉
And thats hysterical (and potentially obnoxious) about the Jim comment. I do think I get so many more comments this pregnancy because I'm out and about more than I was when I was so far along with Lincoln. I can only imagine what they'll be six weeks from now … 🙂
WOW. Where are you living now, btw? Perhaps these comments are because you're pretty and look like someone who wouldn't mind? NOT that it's ok!! It occurred to me when my now 31 year old son was a baby, that babies are little celebrities, somehow, and the entire world seems to think they have a right to comment. I also think we live in a society that doesn't think before speaking–correction–very few people think at all. Look at how politics are going. Perhaps, a pregnant woman, especially a cute one, reminds others that we're all still ultimately connected, so, they step over normal boundaries and say whatever "clever," inept thing comes to mind. I don't know. Remind me to share the type of things total strangers used to say to me while I was outside painting holiday art on shopping mall windows. Sheesh! That's another place where an extraordinary number of silly people seemed to think they were clever. Luckily, you have this cool blog and we can read and wonder with you!
Joanna! So we're in Ohio now and you're right, I think a lot of people just don't think before they speak and most of them are well-meaning and just trying to find a way to share in the excitement that is a new little life. And in the end, it did make for a good laugh and a fun blog post 🙂 You'll have to tell me about the paining comments!
I think you look beautiful, that every move, kick, hiccup you feel is something to cherish. Most men don't know what to say and usually their pretty good about their comments. I wonder if it's because your at the gym where people are more self absorbed and it's all about the "image" they expect to see there? #4 was not nice & #6 is creepy to say, especially from a stranger.
Thanks Michelle 🙂 And I don't know, I'm not sure if it is the demographic of the gym, or the fact that the gym is just where I am out the most in public (other than the grocery store, a mom group, and church things) so that is where the majority of my social interactions are pulled from. I do think the image of a very pregnant lady might be more unexpected in a gym? Who knows 🙂
Your bump looks perfect for being 34 weeks. You are not big at all and you look great. Comments from men would make me way more uncomfortable, then if coming from a woman. I don't understand how men think, but if they are father's already, I would think they would be more sensitive. Old men are typically cute and flirty. Verbal comments Wouldn't bother me unless old dude asked to touch me. if a young man made a insensitive comment, that would most likely tick me off. Pregnancy looks way good on you. Maybe wear head phones at gym so you can't hear odd guy's comments, lol.
Haha – headphones were in for most of these … they can't block everything out! And you're right, old men say some weird things but mostly they're just being cute and it doesn't come off as rude or creepy. It is a bit weirder from middle-aged men and I find it most rude from peers (#4). I just try to remember that most of them are well-meaning, and it is only annoying for the person who hears 7 of them a day and no single one is really all that rude. I am ready to be a person again though and not just a belly to comment on!
People can be so rude! I don't think it is paticularly polite for either men or woman to comment on another person's body! I have 3 days until my due date so obviously people notice but the nicest comments are usually along the lines of 'when is your wee one due'… although I did have a few people back away with pue fear in thier eyes yesterday when I said Friday… haha don't worry folks you are safe!
hahahaha – I'm imagining the looks of terror. I'm not sure why people get so scared … it isn't like you are just going to suddenly have a baby any moment 🙂 but congratulations! and I wish I were just a few days away like you – do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?
Hahaha. All of those are pretty funny comments…I had pretty much the opposite experience when pregnant-everyone, guys included, kept commenting on how SMALL I was! It was still all about the size though! lol
I also seemed to have a ridiculous amount of people thinking I was a single, pregnant teen (I'm 29 and am engaged).
The stuff people say though…sometimes it really is shocking. lol
oh interesting! and I get the single/pregnant teen thing along…the first time around and this one (25 but I get that I look young). When I was pregnant with Lincoln I remember feeling a bit self conscious when I would forget to wear my wedding ring in public while pregnant – but really, what does it matter what other people think?
Men were actually the sweeter random commenters when I was pregnant. Women I guess felt comfortable enough around me to be quite rude. While in line to checkout at the grocery, a gentleman told me that I had a lovely glow, when I was feeling extremely frumpy & tired. An elderly woman told me that I should lose weight before I had another one so I wouldn't be so tired. The one that frustrated me the most was a friend that commented on my maternity photos. Due to pre-eclampsia, we knew that I would have to be induced (ended up needing c-section) by 37 weeks, so we did our photos a bit sooner than I had hoped just in case. She knew of my issues, & said that I should push to go ahead to induce now just to get it over with. She had her baby at 34 weeks & he was fine. Ummm, although I'm uncomfortable, I'd like him to cook a bit longer if I can & avoid all the premature baby risks, thanks!
People and their unsolicited advice! Sorry you had to go through that. I have to work hard to keep my mouth shut now – because while I'm no expert, I have lots of opinions after having one child but I remember how much I didn't want random advice from strangers (or unkind friends). There was this one lady who spend 15 minutes explaining to me how I would be able to tell I was in labor … I wanted to point out that I'd given birth just 14 months prior and she'd had her two children over 30 years ago….
Even the worst comments are better than all of the random strangers that thought they had license to touch my stomach. That was creepy!
thank goodness for no creepy strangers touching my belly, yet.
We had a little old man stop us on our way into the grocery store after graduation and he made some comment to Joe about how lucky he was to have me. I was in that sort of pregnant looking, sort of ate too much lunch looking stage and it made me feel great! These comments are hilarious though! Some people just don't ever think haha
oh that is so sweet! I think most of the time people just want to join in on the celebration that is a new little baby 🙂
You look gorgeous!! Glowing!! And I have no clue why becoming pregnant suddenly gives random people the urge to say the most asinine things! I was at the grocery store and was 17 weeks along at the time (first baby, not really showing much, wearing a flowy shirt) and the lady in line behind me overheard the convo I was having with the cashier and had the nerve to ask me if everything with my baby was "ok", why I wasn't showing much, and had I had that "checked out yet". I WAS STUNNED. Who asks if you've had things checked out?!?! Uhhh no lady, I've had no prenatal care this whole time and I'm totally oblivious about the little human in my body and how she's growing. People. I swear. I'm so not looking forward to the 3rd trimester comments that are sure to come now that I've popped!
Best of luck to you, girl! 🙂
OH MY GOODNESS! WHY? WHY? unsolicited advice from strangers about very personal things is something I do not understand. and congratulations by the way – third trimester means the final stretch!
and thank you! i'm counting down the days (weeks? month?) over here…
The best thing to say to a pregnant lady (my mom says) is to say, after you've asked when they're due, "Wow! You look great!" and not even comment about how they look like a balloon, they look like they're about to pop, or they look like they're having twins.
Mom just always answers (when people say she's really big), "Yup, the baby's growing pretty fast!" or just says "Yeah, have a nice day!" and leaves as fast as she can.
It's hard to know what to say, but if you just smile and nod, it'll pass. Besides, nobody's going to care how big you were when the cute baby is born (especially if they get to hold him/her)! 🙂
P.S. How often do you post? Was this last Tuesday, or the Tuesday before that, etc? I would like to follow you but don't want to commit to coming back to a blog that hasn't been posted on for a long time. 😉
amen to that. and i'm also good if they stop at congratulations and make no comment about size at all because I find it interesting that once someone is pregnant, then it becomes common practice to make lots of comments about her body? anyway 🙂
so this post was this tuesday, two days ago. We just got back from a big trip where I posted a little less frequently but generally you can expect 4 posts a week on Bella and regular pictures on instagram as well 🙂
I swear some people just need to think before they speak!
WOW! ha! I don't think people really realise what they are saying! Funny enough when I was pregnant men were super sensitive and kind (including one guy at work who made me cry by bringing me in a bunch of flowers on mothers day and another who insisted on carrying my shopping for me!) – I found that it was the women who were really quite rude (lots of 'You're huge all over!' and 'must be a girl because they drain mum's looks') 🙂
Thank you for this. I have been disappointed in the comments given to me by complete strangers and people I know. Why can’t the focus of pregnancy be the beauty that it is? Instead it is constantly negative and causes a pregnant woman to feel less of herself. Stay strong ladies! Pregnancy IS a beautiful thing!
-a 7 month pregnant woman who got “wow… getting big” thrown at her just an hour ago from a coworker she doesn’t even know the name of.
Love your pregnant body!