Ben and I have been married for 7 years! We celebrated our anniversary with dinner at Mama Maria in the North End last night. I wore a red dress and Ben met me for our 7:45 reservation downtown. I took a few minutes before leaving the house to write these thoughts on marriage right now. We’ve had adventures and struggles, and I’m glad I get to do them both with Ben.
This summer I’ve spent a lot of time with my two younger sisters, home from college for a few months. They’re 6 and 8 years younger than me, just the age I was when I met Ben, when we fell in love, and when we started our life together.
Yesterday my dad taught a lesson to some young men in church about communication + psychological safety. At one point he asked the ten men in the room (many of whom were married), “Is there something your wife does you would change?” Ben was the only one who raised his hand.
We have an understanding, Ben and I. I love him, the him he is at the core, at the bottom, at the beginning. But I also expect him to be different next year, different and better. And the year after that. He accepts my weaknesses and challenges them. We married to grow together, to lift each other.
He catches me when I’m falling but he also pushes me up, forward.
Sometimes marriage is early morning snuggles and sweet “I love you”s. I cherish those moments, like earlier this morning.
But this stage is also a lot of stretching and supporting and changing. It means disappointments and forgiveness. It means learning and accepting. It means challenging and it is rewarding.
I hope Ben is willing to keep raising his hand. I hope he continues to see me as I am and as I can be. This love is to be enough, right now, as I am….and to be growing into something more, together.